The change

I was standing in my mom's kitchen yesterday.  I had just picked the girls up from school.  Yesterday was scattered.  We had been in Wisconsin the week prior and upon returning to Ohio I always feel as if I have to play catch-up.

Ava and Cate are in the last week of school.  The girls and I will move to Wisconsin permanently and our new life, our fresh start will begin.

I was standing in the kitchen yesterday and Ava gently grabbed my arm.

I'm not sure I've understood the effects of the past year on Ava.  She watched her sister get sick, her father lose his job, our home sold to another family and her mother fall apart and try to keep it together at the same time.  Ava is 11.  I'm not sure how many adults could have coped through her journey this past year with the grace, poise and courage she has possessed.

In addition to the challenges we faced this past year I was aware that Ava was changing.  Her body, her appearance and her mind.  She is growing into a young lady.

It's happening overnight.  She is beginning to surpass me in height and she is wearing my shoes.  She is taking more interest in the little things: her hair, her skin and her body.  She cares about what she is wearing and she is recognizing when to "dress down" and when to "dress up."

I noticed she became more guarded this year.  Protective of her feelings.  Protective of her family.  She knew how hard the year had been for all of us and I believe she took on the role of strength.  The little girl I was always able to snuggle and hug had built a wall with a strong exterior and nothing would bring that wall down.

Ava and I had a disagreement recently.  The typical argument: mom nags, dad doesn't.  Ava doesn't throw tantrums, she doesn't scream.  She is very mature in her argument and at times I'm intimidated by her knowledge and ability to reason.  It's during those moments I almost question my ability to mother.  My ability to parent.

After consultation with my own mother, I learned that this is completely normal.  This is the change that will happen.  The right of passage between a mother and a daughter.  I don't believe it is a question of whether or not she likes me, rather a statement of Ava's independence.  She is finding her way.  My mother's advice, give her space, within reason.

While standing in the kitchen yesterday, Ava grabbed my arm and asked if I would watch a video with her.  She told me they watched the video at school and she wanted to share it with me.

I stopped what I was doing.  She asked me for my attention, and at that moment I realized how fleeting time is and I gave her my everything.

This is the video we watched.

I looked over at Ava.  This strong, smart and soulful little girl had a tear running down her cheek and told me that she wanted me to know she feels good about herself.  She loves her body, her hair and her face.  She told me she feels good about who she is and where she is going in life.

I had goosebumps yesterday watching this video with Ava and hearing those words out of her mouth.  I have goosebumps writing these words.  That moment with Ava is forever ingrained in my heart and soul as the moment of change.  The moment I realized my beautiful little girl became a young lady. It was also the moment of confirmation I secretly needed to know I'm doing things right.  At least for the moment.

There was no party, no gift and no special meal to define this change.  It was a moment.  A moment, that had I not taken the time to be in it, I would have missed it in the blink of an eye.

I am grateful for yesterday as much as I am today.  I look for this young lady to do amazing things in her lifetime.  She already realizes at such a young age that she is in control of her happiness.

Thank you Ava.  I believe you are teaching me more than I am teaching you.

 

 

In the blink of an eye.