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I thought long and hard about writing about my mom today. She is an enormously private person. Never wanting to have her picture taken, never needing to be in the spotlight. She prefers hiding in the shadows and doing for others without recognition.
While I attempted to avoid placing her front and center my need to tell the world about this beautiful soul prevailed. While her story is one of ordinary sorts, her spirit and determination are unique and fleeting in today's world.
The story of a brilliant woman who wanted to be a journalist but her dream was not encouraged by her parents. The story of a woman who found her way "out" marrying the love of her life and starting a family of their own. The story of a woman who would raise two daughters as a stay-at-home mom while sacrificing her own dreams along the way. They story of someone so full of compassion that those around her would be lost without her.
I have had the pleasure of spending the past, almost 40, years with this woman and she continues to inspire, care for, love and guide all those around her.
My husband, Dave, drove into Dayton from Chicago this past Friday to spend the weekend with us. We sat on the couch talking and laughing. The weekends have become cherished time due to our long distance living arrangement this past year.
Dave looked over at my mom mid-conversation and said "Nance, I talked with the transplant coordinator at UC yesterday. I'm a perfect match to donate a kidney to another recipient. This will move you to the top of the transplant list. Things could happen fast."
We almost lost my mom 7 years ago. She had been stating that her vision was acting up. My dad took her to the eye Dr and glasses were prescribed. She continued to see spots in her vision. Upon returning from a lengthy trip with my father she felt she needed to get things looked at again.
There are days in our lives that define us. Births, weddings, deaths and so on. The milestones in life that define that we've made it and we've reached our purpose. The day my mom became sick was a defining day. Life would never be the same as we knew it.
My parents had gone to the ophthalmologist. I received a call not long into their appointment that mom was being taken to the hospital because she was in a hypertensive crisis. Her blood pressure had risen to 240/120.
In one day my mom's life, our family's lives changed forever. The increase in pressure caused her to lose her vision and become legally blind overnight. It also caused her to go into End Stage Renal Faiure. The diagnosis was a rare disease called Malignant Hypertension. With this disease increases in blood pressure have an insidious onset and treatment is difficult.
She was in and out of hospitals for the first two years. Literally fighting for her life. The Dr.'s told all of us the probability that she would even make it 5 years past her diagnosis was improbable. She began dialysis in 2011 and we would begin our search for a kidney donor so that she would not have to survive by a machine for the rest of her existence. However long that would be because life on dialysis is brutal and exhausting.
Imagine listening to that conversation this past Friday. The man I love is willing to give life to someone else, to a person we don't even know so that my mom can have a second chance at life. A rebirth. It has been a mother's day weekend filled with hope, love and possibility.
This Mother's Day I am overwhelmed with hope for the future. I am so very grateful to my mother for this life. She is the true expression of sacrifice and even during her most virulent storms she remained strong, fierce, optimistic and maternal. Yes, even during her most difficult times she continued to guide everyone else. She is selfless and it is the most important life lesson that could have ever been passed on to me.
Time is precious, and so very out of our control. Spend that time wisely with those you love for you will never regret doing so. Everyday is the gift.
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